Nadine, Is that your name?

Back from a break

2005-12-30T22:05:00.000-05:00

Post Holiday
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I can't believe its been almost a month since I've posted! December was a blur. Making candles, baking cookies, parties, shopping, wrapping, Santa......AAHH!! I'm glad to finally breathe. I am going to head into 2006 with a list of "To-DO's".

1. Not worry about house cleaning 24/7
2. Exercise
3. Try to quit smoking....does everybody say that?
4. Do more things with my kids and worry less about everything else.
5. Get a tattoo
6. Not stress about turning 30.
7. Decide what I'm doing with my life.

What are your New Years resolutions?

We'll miss you Sam.

2005-12-02T20:13:00.000-05:00

Sam- R.I.P.
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

The pooch with the hairless body, crooked teeth and sparse tuft of hair atop his knobby head died Friday, just short of his 15th birthday, said his owner, Susie Lockheed.

"I don't think there'll ever be another Sam," she said, adding wryly, "Some people would think that's a good thing."

Sam became an international celebrity after winning the ugliest animal contest at the 2003 Sonoma-Marin Fair in California -- a victory he twice repeated. The purebred Chinese crested hairless made appearances on TV in Japan, radio in New Zealand and in Britain's Daily Mirror tabloid, stayed in luxury hotels and met Trump on a talk show set.

Results of a Black Friday Shopping Trip

2005-11-26T15:40:00.000-05:00

Results of a Black Friday Shopping Trip
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

This could've been Misty or me. We had the hair brain idea of participating in the Black Friday shopping events taking place at various stores here. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2:30 with sinus mucus covering my entire throat and the feeling that I gargled with sandpaper. Of course I would feel this way when I have something to do. I laid in bed until 3:30 and then got in the shower. Misty showed up at 4:45am with coffee in hand :) By the way, she shows up sick as hell with Bird Flu. We get to Wal-Mart at 5:00. The place looked like New Orleans waiting for help. No, that wasn't meant to be mean, descriptive purposes only. Lines going in every which way for different crap they had on sale. Complete unorganized chaos. We needed these TV's they had. I asked 3 different associates and got 3 different answers. The third telling me that I would find the TV in the grocery section.....are you feeling the frustration yet? Well, while I'm asking this 3rd associate, Misty gets to witness a Jerry Springer episode unfolding right in front of her. This crazy ass woman is CUSSING this man (would make a sailor blush) out because he received something that shes been waiting hours for. Check out Mistys blog for a detailed story. They also had Cabbage Patch Newborn babies for $10. Misty and I look at this woman who has 15 in her cart....to put on layaway. The odds of her paying for that? Slim. So, instead of letting other people who are paying for this shit now get ONE, she decides to scarf them all in one swoop. So, we paid for everything and then had to go around back to pick up 3 TV's. She drives an Escort. Well, not really, but the cargo room is the same. Love ya Mist *smooch*. We had to make a pit stop at my house to drop off all this crap and then headed to Target. We get to Target 45 minutes late. It was complete heaven! Nice people, holiday music, angels floating in the sky, etc. We found everything we needed with no glitches or ass whoopin's. We got home by 8:30 and I started cleaning the house by 9:30. What a damn day! So are we doing this next year Misty?

Happy Thanksgiving !

2005-11-24T07:53:00.000-05:00

Just want to wish everyone a Happy Turkey Day! We have 2 houses to go to today and I have to make 2 Green Bean Casseroles for both. I am going to be absolutely miserable by this evening. Seriously considering sweatpants today :0)

Junkyard Dog

2005-11-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

Yummy
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I started my annual Christmas-Cookie-Making-Marathon a few days ago. I started with Dandy Candy Oatmeal Cookies. My next batch was peanut butter cookie sandwiches with milk chocolate filling. Yesterday I squeezed in a batch of Chocolate Cookies w/Chocolate Chuck Chips with Chocolate glaze. Serious DEATH BY CHOCOLATE cookies. I had 2 big Ziploc bags on my counter filled with cookies. I had to run to the credit union and the dollar store this morning and when I came back, I walked in the kitchen and an empty Ziploc bag was sitting on the floor all mangled up.....with...no...cookies...in there. WHAT THE $#@*!!!!!!!!! That frickin' dog ate my damn cookies that I slaved over? And of course chose the bag that had an assortment of cookies. But she ate ALL 3 dozen CHOCOLATE COOKIES !!!!!!!!! Surely she's gonna die. Oh wait, I forgot she's Junkyard Dog. This is the same dog that ate a tub of butter. Easter candy. Tub of cake frosting. Her guts are made of Titanium. What a way to boost that Chrostmas spirit I'm trying so hard to catch. BAH flippin' HUMBUG !

Guns & Tape

2005-11-20T22:06:00.000-05:00

My son went with his Dad to my parents cabin over the weekend for a little hunting and "father & son" time. My son just turned 4 years old and here is how the conversation went:

Me: " So, you got to shoot a gun at the cabin?"
Son: " Yep."
Me: " Did you shoot your beebee gun?"
Son: (very matter-of-fact)" No, I shot the 22."
Me: Speechless

So, while the boys were gone it was me, Brianna (7 yrs old) and my Mom. We are sitting at the table Saturday evening shootin' the shit and talking about Christmas. I asked her what she wanted to get everyone. The last person we discussed was her brother Kevin ( 4 yrs old). This is how the conversation goes:

Me: " Well, what are you wanting to get Lil' Kev for Christmas?"
Daughter: " Duct Tape "
Me: " Duct Tape? "
Daughter: " Yes. "
Me: " Why duct tape? "
Daughter: " So I can tape his mouth shut. He bothers me too much."

I'm so glad I've raised such wonderful, loving kids.

Laguna Beach News

2005-11-18T10:07:00.000-05:00

NEW YORK -- Kimberly Stewart will wed Talan Torriero, one of the stars of the MTV reality series "Laguna Beach." Stewart, the 26-year-old daughter of singer Rod Stewart, and Torriero, 19, are engaged, People magazine reported Thursday. Torriero's spokesman, Jack Ketsoyan, confirmed the couple's plans to the magazine.

Stewart also confirmed the engagement to Us Weekly, saying, "We're getting married."

They announced their surprise engagement Wednesday evening at a Los Angeles party for Microsoft's Xbox. Stewart flashed a 5-carat diamond engagement ring, according to People.

Stewart and Torriero, who have been dating for several weeks, were recently in the news as the back seat passengers of Paris Hilton when she was involved in a minor car accident Nov. 9. No one was hurt and police said no one was cited after the mishap.

Look for these symptoms.....

2005-11-17T08:55:00.000-05:00

Symptoms of the BIRD FLU...

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of the bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.

News of the Weird

2005-11-11T13:19:00.000-05:00

In September, after law enforcement officers in North Carolina spotted a reportedly stolen ambulance and chased it through three counties until forcing it into a ditch north of Greensboro, they found the driver to be mohawk-hairstyled Leon Hollimon Jr., 37, who is not a medical professional but was wearing a stethoscope and with latex gloves in his pocket. Strapped to a gurney in the back was a dead six-point deer, and according to witnesses cited by the Florida Times-Union newspaper (Hollimon is from Jacksonville, Fla.), an intravenous line was attached to it and a defibrillator had been used. [Florida Times-Union, 9-28-05]

I fell for it.

2005-11-11T01:04:00.000-05:00

Picture it. Sicily. 1943.

A few days ago I was re-planting my front beds w/ pansies and see this young guy coming towards my house. I figured he was selling something. Well, he was and here is how the conversation goes:

Guy: "Hi. I live around the corner and I'm on the soccer team for Emmanual something or other and I would really appreciate if you could help me with our trip to somewhere."
Guy brings out pamphlet from back pocket.
Me: " Oh golly gee, I just bought something like this from someone already."
Guy: " Well, ANY contribution you could make would be great."

I told him to hold on as I go in the house. As I'm walking into my kitchen I'm thinking that this guy looks a bit old to be in High School. No older than 23, but still. So I grab $3 out of my purse and head back outside.

Guy: " Thanks for your support and have a great day."
Me: " You, too."

Guy starts to head down sidewalk . Guy turns around.

Guy:" By the way, how do you get out to the main drag. If I follow this street, yadda, yadda, yadda.."

I told him where to go and off he went.

Me (thinking out loud): " You friggin' bastard. I thought you said you lived around the corner and you are asking me for directions?"

I've been shafted. That bunghole LIED to me and even used a churchy school name. Thank God it was only for $3. And to answer that question pictured here....yes...I am.

What does your name mean?

2005-11-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

Nadine
Hope : Russian

Very much the individual you have enormous energy and vision and must find a suitable use for your talents. You have great potential for success in business if you can guard against indecision and worry. Your generous nature means that you are never short of friends and with cooperation your relationships can be very rewarding. Perseverance and firm decision making will ensure you achieve your objectives.

Go HERE if you'd like to see what your name means and see how well it describes you.

A day in the life of me.

2005-11-09T08:21:00.000-05:00

DOUBLE EEEEWWWWW!

2005-11-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

EEEWWWW!!!!

2005-11-08T13:59:00.000-05:00

JOKE OF THE DAY

2005-11-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

Prince
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls............

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the handsome young prince that I am and then, my darling, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel grateful and happy in doing so".
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce,
she laughed and thought to herself:
I don't f***ing think so...

Its Saturday! Wake the freak up!

2005-11-05T07:56:00.000-05:00

Good Morning
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Am I the only one who wakes up at the crack of dawn even on a Saturday? Misty, I'm real disappointed in you. If I am up and its 7:30 and I call you....wake the hell up and answer the phone. There's nothing more I look forward to than coffee and gossip on Saturday morning. Dena, if you'd like to be added to my Saturday morning call list, just let me know.

Hardy, har, har, har

2005-10-25T18:20:00.000-04:00

Joke of the day
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

So my soon-to-be 4 year old son asks my mother-in-law:

"Mimi, why do bees have sticky hair?"
"I don't know, why?" asks Ellie.

" 'Cause they live in a honeycomb."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Wasted away again in Margaritaville

2005-10-24T20:15:00.000-04:00

I'm never drinking again
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

As I am looking into my toilet, I am having a flashback of my 21st birthday. That was the last time the porcelain god and I had a chat.

Place: Guadalahara's
Time: 8pm
Who: Me, hubby & 2 friends
Why? 6th year wedding anniversary

The waiter, Isiac, asks me something that contained 7 little words that started me down that terrible path.
"Can I get you something to drink?"
"I'll have a margarita on the rocks, please" I said. An hour later I ordered another one. Well....within that hour I not only finished the jumbo Margarita, but had a shot of Jager and a Red Headed Slut. So, after getting the 2nd Margarita had a shot of Buttery Nipple and a Tequila shot. Why? I don't know. I don't know what time we came home, but 10 minutes inside the house and I headed upstairs to my room. I did 90 mph around the corner heading to my bathroom and ran SMACK into my closet threshold. I thought, "Hmmm....Thats gonna leave a mark". From that point on I proceeded to barf my ENTIRE large and small intestine and a 1/4 of my liver. It was like my eyeballs had bungee cords on them. Everytime I puked or dry-heaved they came out of the socket, dipped in the water and smacked back into my face. I'm not sure how long I was passed out there, but when I came to and tried to find the bed I realized my husband was snoring in the bed. I thought "way to look out for your wife jackass" as I'm struggling to get my clothes off. I continued to puke until approximately 10am the next morning. Between the dislocated shoulder (the closet) and the 12 broken ribs from puking, I feel like I was in an Ultimate Fighting match.

So, I will have you know that I am no longer consuming alcoholic beverages and have chopped off Jose Cuervos balls for putting me through this.

More irony.....

2005-10-21T20:10:00.000-04:00

Macho Men
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. -- Victor Willis, the original policeman in the 1970s music group the Village People, was being sought after failing to show up Thursday for sentencing of possession of a firearm and crack cocaine.

Oh the irony makes me chuckle. I can see the cop arresting him...
"Mr. Willis can you please turn around so I can cuff you because... its.... NACHO, NACHO day. Its gotta suck to be you today....REPEAT CHORUS.

SCHOOL DAZE

2005-10-20T20:41:00.000-04:00

America's Next Top Model
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Saw this over at Soapbox's page....She ain't got nuttin' on me. Am I hot or what? The white dress is 6th grade. I had a nice rack for 12 yrs old. The belt was dope as shit, huh? The dyke haircut and braces added a nice touch. You can't see it, but I'm wearing STARK white heels, too. YUMMY! And to think I wondered why I never had a boyfriend. The other pic with me in the dress is my 9th grade dance. I went with Casey Horton who shows up in a Tubbs & Crockett sea blue jacket with boatshoes. I hope you take notice of the dress. SAME DRESS, SAME DANCE as Soapbox...TOTALLY NOT PLANNED! The last pic, well....I'm not sure what I like better. The colors of the suit (it brought out my eyes), or the dorky ass stance that they made me do. Personally, I would've preferred the Bikini cut to give me that 'long leg' look.

The Sellecks

2005-10-20T20:14:00.000-04:00

bri&jim
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Flipping through soome pics from some months ago, I came across this one. My neighbor Jim has had a loving relationship with his mustache. He's old enough to be my Dad, but I get along with him like a brother. I've seen some early 80's pics of him and he had the TOTAL TOM SELLECK MUSTACHE. Since, he has trimmed it, but his daughter & I always make comments about his stache. Well, I guess my daughter overhears too much and came in the kitchen with a piece of tape that she colored a thick, black mustache on and stuck it on her upper lip. I thought we were going to piss our pants. She totally has my sense of humor ;0)

The irony......

2005-10-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

Jacko
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Michael Jackson has been called for jury duty.....uh...what? He says that he now lives completely outside the U.S., so he will be exempt. I wonder what the persons face looked like who pulls these names? I wonder if...for a split second...he looked around to see if Ashton Kutcher was running towards him.

I'm an AUNT!!!!

2005-10-13T08:18:00.000-04:00

pic
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I just found out yesterday that I am going to be an Auntie! My sister is due June 1st. She has been married for a little over 2 years and has been with her husband for 12 years. We all expected her to get prego as soon as she got married and we have been waiting 2 years! I'm so happy for her and can't wait to smooch that fat snufalumpkins in June.

* NEWSFLASH *...Santa Claus claims bankruptcy

2005-10-10T14:10:00.000-04:00

One Helluva wish list....
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

My daughter has hit that age where Christmas is the one and only thing she lives and breathes for. She decided to go onto KBToys.com and make a Christmas list. Kinda smart if you think about it. I guess she is able to shop, preview and take note to the ratings and opinion stats on each toy. The list is approximately 5 pages front & back on minila paper. Hopefully I can read it all...by the time she got to #40 the handwriting looks like she has Parkinsons. I will copy every word as she wrote it. So here it goes:

1. Color & Style Head- Teresa
2. Dora's Talking House
3. My talking backpak
4. Super Spies (GBA)....I askd what this GBA is. She said it was a Game Boy game. I said that you need a Game Boy to play it. She gave me a look, like, duh, that'll be on my list, too.
5. Dress up adventure
6. Disny princess shoes 4-pack
7. Fur real friends smoochie quq tan.
8. Fur real fiends New born puppy beige and brown.

9. Fur real friends smoochie pup-white...i guess the tan just isn't enough
10. Fur real friends newborn kitten:beige
11. FurReal Friends puppy: gray & wihte
12. Fur Real Friends Newborn puppy-brown
13. Fur real friends newborn puppy back & wihte
14. Little people ABC Zoo
15. Doodle Bear Magic Glow-pink
16. Fur real friends Go Go My Walkin' Pup
17. Dora the Explorer 5-in-1 Play N Fun
18. Barbie vehicle
19. Dora the E
20. Dora the Explorer Flip-open sofa
21. Dora reusable placemat
22. Dora the Explorer lawn swing
23. Splash around Dora & Boots
24. Easy-Bake Real Meal Oven
25. Play-Doh choice of colors
26. Slurpee maker
27. Funny
28. Chika chicka boom boom
29. Brats: Rock Angelz (DVD)
30. Magnetic Fishing Game
31. Bendables: Family Guy collectible boxed set
32. Happy Family Midget Baby....i assume its midget, can't read it
33. Barbie Wide board Switchboard
34. Disney Princess: Sierra doll travel system
35. New baby Born function doll
36. Dressy Bessy
37. Barbie Desk Top computer
38. Sweet Hearts Jewelry Kit
39. Bratz: Oh La La Lip Gloss counter
40. Cabbage patch babies: girl with blond hiar.

Hmmm, seems she didn't do spell check. However, puncuation a plus. Loved the :, and the (). I'm not sure if you noticed, but I think she wants a Fur Real Friends animal. Hate to break it to her, but #39...don't think so. You're 7...Oh La La is not in your vocab yet. Well, I'm off to Lending Tree to take out an Equity Line for Christmas.....

Have a great day!

WASSSUUPPP!!

2005-09-14T22:47:00.000-04:00

wasssuuppp!
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Dang. Feels like I've been gone forever. Alot has happened since I've last blogged. Lets see....

Had a candle show @ the end of August.

Then I had a DOUBLE birthday party for Sweetpea & Big Kev. I had a clown that did a magic show, face painting & balloon sculpting for the kids. Fed them. Then opened her presents. Then it was time for the sophisticated adults to take over. I had the "Luge" for me...I mean my alcoholic friends :) Let me tell you something about the Luge. You can tell who the LUGE VIRGINS are. They start off and continued with straight up HARD liquor. They were the first to drop like flies. My mom-in-law and I between the both of us had 3 or 4 pitchers of Bahama Mamas. That is the best thing to do down the Luge because you don't get snot sliggin' drunk in 15 minutes. Nevertheless, everyone had a great time.

Went to the Richmond Nascar race last Saturday w/ Soapbox & her hubby. I had bought a party bus ticket for hubby for Christmas last year, so he was already going. We met up with him after getting our bellies full and drinking heavily...whats that? Oh, the proper term is "tailgaiting". So after we meet up w/hubby the boys decide to do SHOTGUNS of Bud Light. Ok, twist my arm. Well, earlier Todd decides to argue with me about a certain song. I want you to comment if you know who sings this old ass country song....It goes like this," There's a stranger in my house. Somebody here that I can't see....There's a stranger in my house. Somebody here tryin' to take her away from me." PLEASE tell me who you think sand this song. There is a clue in the verse. I'm just lokkin' for a little redemption here folks.

Went to the dentist AGAIN the other day to fill more holes in my mouth. Once again after I left the dentist, grabbed a bite to eat w/ Lil' Kev and I think I bit the ever lovin' snot out of my lip. 20 minutes after I ate my lip blew up. I looked like Hitch. I started to wonder if they injected Botox rather the Novicaine.

And....today I did a little hurricane prevention. What a pain in the ass. Hanging baskets, flags, chairs, pads, candle holders, tiki torches, etc. Hope its not too bad. Big Kev works for the power company here and I'm sure will be gone for the next few days. They had SEVERAL crews here that had to go to La for 3 weeks. They saw some gross stuff, too. I feel absolutely horrible for those people. To go from your everyday normal life of family and friends..to nothing. Not a pot to piss in. I can only hope I never experience anything like that ever.

So, I think I've caught up. I'm sure I've missed some good Blog Gossip...oh nevermind, thats what Soapbox is for. Remember...who sings that song?

Tango & Chris

2005-08-18T19:55:00.000-04:00

Tango & Chris
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Da da da..dadadada
Da da da..dadadada

Tangoin' w/ the groom.
Drunk+dance=good pic

P.s.
No I didn't wear shorts & a shirt to the wedding. I was smart & brought it with me. I know Soapbox will make a smartass comment & I beatcha to it!

Shaggin

2005-08-18T19:53:00.000-04:00

Shaggin
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Somebody cut her off!!!!!

Booty Dance

2005-08-18T19:52:00.001-04:00

Booty Dance
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Nope.not gay.

CHEEEEEESE

2005-08-18T19:52:00.000-04:00

CHEEEEEESE
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Someone said " FREE SHOTS FOR A SMILE"

Hunka Hunka Burnin Love

2005-08-18T19:51:00.000-04:00

Hunka Hunka Burnin Love
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Damn he cleans up good.

I'm still standing...

2005-08-18T19:26:00.000-04:00

Yeah, its been awhile. I've been super busy with the MONEYPIT house (drywall guys & painters), candles, weddings, rehearsals (serious alcohol consumption), my husband (who's been home due to the finger.heehee) and my kids. I am having a candle show @ the end of this month and then the very next weekend planned a big birthday bash for hubby and Sweetpea. What the hell am I doing to myself? Inbetween I have GOT to get school shopping done. Anyone else wait until the last minute? Its always the G.D. Kleenex!! I feel like I haven't cooked since '76. I get in these RUTS where cooking just isn't in my schedule. I have enough food here to feed Beethoven Drive, yet having someone else do it just seems so much better. I'll be posting some pics fron the wedding...whether I was sober or not, just not sure.

WTF?

2005-08-02T20:13:00.000-04:00

I am shopping for shoes for a neighbors wedding and came across these. Is it me or is that picture THE WORST prop picture you've ever seen?

My house smells DAMN good!

2005-07-31T22:03:00.000-04:00

Nadine's Candle Shoppe
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Lets see. Made (8) bars of soap, approx (40) votives in various scents, (6) 16oz jars, shrink wrapped a dookie load of stuff, laundry, shower, breakfast, lunch, Soapbox's daughter came to visit, AND I managed to pick up the phone to order dinner. Pretty busy today. I didn't get to pick up my FABULOUS chairs I won at the auction yesterday 'cause its monsooning, so I guess we'll get them tomorrow. Smelled really foul outside today for some reason. Like a hotdog fart. I thought it was Soapbox, but she denied it. Does anyone elses house get like that after rain? Could be my friends 400lb Lab that were watching for them. Beauty of a pooch, but he's a typical male... sloppy and poots alot. He won't walk in my kitchen because of the wood flooring, so he whines while looking at his food & water in there. I have to coax him with a Scooby Snack. I think he's mixed with pu...i mean cat. Well, guess its time to retire & watch some food network or Surreal Life. Stop laughing, thats a good show :)

Heehee....

2005-07-29T22:10:00.000-04:00

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner >with her parents.

This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after
dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd
like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets
his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in."

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute
passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans
over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so
religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."

Ouch....

2005-07-29T21:59:00.000-04:00

No, they're not mine
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

So, went to the dentist today to start STEP 1 of 9. I brush and use mouthwash...but I don't floss like I should. As a result I, DUMPSTER MOUTH, as Soapbox likes to call me have 8 cavaties. Oh and need a root canal. Oh and need a wisdom tooth pulled. I had to look at myself in the mirror and make sure I wasn't wearing a cutoff flannel with black stirrup stretch pants and white flats. I'm a clean person who constantly goes to hair appts, nail appts, tans, etc. So from now on I am drinking my coffee thru a straw, I'm only eating apples and alfalfa sprouts. Maybe I need Orbitz gum. For a good clean feeling *ting. Yesterday we had Planet Plumbing come to fix leak #2. In a nutshell I think we need a new tub. As he is working in my bathroom, my son decides to yell to me in the computer room that..." THAT MAN STINKS! HE'S GOT DIRTY PANTS!" OMG my face was priceless. EMBARASSED is not the word. I thought I was gonna lose it. No rock to hide under in this room. Coulda choked my boy. Tomorrow is extremely busy. BF Soapbox wants me to go to Morpheme's candle party. Me. The candlemaker who earns extra money making her own. Thats like sending Starbucks a Folgers coffee can. But support has no pricetag. My neighbor wants me to go to the mall because I need a dress for her daughters wedding in 2 weeks (book attendant) AND hubby wants me & the kids to go across the water to Hampton to go to Bass Pro Shops and dinner. You wanna go right? Yawn. So, I am going to try to squeeze everyone in. I'll be snoring by 8pm. So sorry for the long blog, but been too flippin busy to get on this damn thing. I started making my own soaps too. I'm a dork, I know, but they smell really good :0)

And the results are.....

2005-07-25T09:17:00.000-04:00

Poor Kev
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

3 broken bones. 2 in his fingertip and 1 near the knuckle. Tisk,tisk. Guess I'll have to be Clara Barton today.

Weekend Update....Hooters Wings & Stripper Ding Dings

2005-07-24T21:36:00.000-04:00

Hooters Wings
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Friday night hubby's mom took the kids overnight. I had a Bachlorette party to go to. Had tons of food and a good time. We all pitched in and got a dancer for her. I was what they called a "Stripper Virgin". My first time. I have 2 words to say. Whoa and whipped cream. That's all I'm gonna say. Saturday night my mom took the kids overnight. I can't believe it...2 days in a row! Hubby & I went to Hooters for wings,rings and beer. Today he had a side job to do and BUSTED his fore finger with the hammer. Pretty bad. He can take pain. He has had more broken bones and stitches than most people. But its now 930pm and he went to Patient First. Guess it hurts pretty bad. My wisdom tooth is killing me. oh, and I have to get a root canal on the other side. Soapbox calls me Sewer Mouth. What a great best friend. I brush, I swear. I...just...hate...the dentist. I would rather give birth than go to the dentist. I would rather smell a homeless mans breath than go to the dentist. I would rather staple my eyelids open for 3 days than go to the dentist. Am i a wuss or what? So how was your weekend?

All for you Mist....

2005-07-20T18:44:00.000-04:00

Funny ass chick
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Someone sent this to me and I thought of YOU immediately....

I'll be old and still crackin' myself up.

Click here

Ah....the memories

2005-07-19T21:58:00.000-04:00

Fat Albert
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I came across this picture while trying to find a pic for Soapbox (go to her blog and see what I mean) and thought I'd share this picture of my son...or should I say my son's head. How did that fat dome come outta me?

SHAFTED #1-3

2005-07-17T08:16:00.000-04:00

My hubby started one of his side jobs yesterday and since it was hot, knocked off around 2pm or so. He wanted to take the kids somewhere fun. We decided to go to the mall. We browsed around a bit (Old Navy, etc) and then decided to get something to eat. My daughter (6 yrs old) wanted to eat upstairs. Everything up there is fast food. We told her that they have restaurants down stairs where the movies are and that its better because you can color. With some coaxing, she gave in. There was "SHAFTED" #1 for her. After we ate we told the kids we'd go see a movie. She wanted to see Charlie & The Choc Factory. As soon as we get there (outside the mall but walking distance) the sky FALLS. Massive rain, thunder & lightning. Its now 6pm and the movie starts at 630pm. Hubby goes to pay & the clerk tells him its full and we'd have to wait until the next showing....at 720pm. An hour and a half wait. So we tell the kids that we can't see a movie today. She's pissed ("SHAFTED" #2), but then asks if they can ride the carousel. So we have to wait about 15 minutes for the rain to let up enough to attempt to run. We get to the carousel and hubby asks if I have any money on me. Its $2/kid and he only had $2. No prob, "just go to the ATM right there." Its OUT OF ORDER. OK...I'll go upstairs, says hubby. He comes back and says its offline because off lightning. Oh shit....here comes "SHAFTED" 3. Don't you know I had to write a $4 check to this place? So, the kids "fun" day ended up as food and a fake horse. How was your day?

Feeling Crafty.....

2005-07-15T08:08:00.000-04:00

Basket o' Apples
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

A few weeks ago I made these apples. They're made out of white modeling clay and have been "dirtied" with spices and goop. Well, a fews days ago I found these baskets, painted them and added some other stuff..and VOILA! I thought it turned out kinda cute. I still have the crafty bug in me. I think its the weather. Overcast and drizzly. Wonder what I can come up with next?

Testing 123-Is this Mic Hot?

2005-07-14T15:25:00.000-04:00

Hi, it's just me soapbox, I am just posting a test to make sure all is working with the design changes. I now return you to your regularly scheduled author.

Buh-bye

Does this work with.......

2005-07-11T22:26:00.000-04:00

Just thought I'd let everyone know that I bought his 3 DVD thing w/ 'Billy Bands' tonight. I ate a caramel Nutty Buddy while reading the directions and diet program.

I've been tagged.....

2005-07-11T10:17:00.000-04:00

Tagged by soapbox.Superstar

10 Years ago:
I was with hubby and had been dating for a year. Living at home with Mom & Pops not knowing how good I had it.

5 years ago:
Juggling work, family and working for pennies but somehow made it work.

1 year ago:Quit doing in-home daycare after 2 1/2 years. Sold/bought a house.

Yesterday:
Went grocery shopping for hubby. Needed various things for his trip to Alabama for hurricane damage/power outages. Washed LOADS of laundry and made cookies.

Today:Making 150 candles for a neighbors wedding in August. I may paint the bench my Dad made for me for my birthday....last year. I know...procrastinator.

Tomorrow:Probably going to spend the night at Mom's so SHE can keep me company :0)

5 snacks I enjoy:
Anything soft and sugary

5 songs I know all the words to:
ummm.....too many

5 reality shows I watch:None religiously, but I like Wife Swap...E.M. Home Edition (for Ty)...the Real World and Road Rules...stop laughing

5 TV shows I watch daily:10 Minute Meals, Lazytown, Rugrats and Arthur

5 things I would never wear:
Side ponytail, tubetop, door-knocker earrings, an animal around my neck, socks with sandals (Chatty..heehee)

5 things I like doing:Laying out, shopping, crafting, cooking, enjoying family/friends' company

5 Things I would do with 100 million bucks:
Pay every family members debts off, help some families at the Battered Womans Shelter, build an OUT-OF-TOWN family house behind my 4000sf home on 30 acres, buy a boat for Kevin & Dad, open a restaurant.

5 locations I would run away to:
It would have to be within a 10 mile radius of my Mom....can't seem to cut the cord :)

5 recently seen movies:Madagascar, Coach Carter

5 famous people I'd like to meet:Denzel Washington, Sandra Bullock, the Dad from Orange County Choppers, Ty Pennington and Git-R-Dun dude..he's pretty funny

5 biggest joys at the moment:Big Kev, Brianna, Lil' Kev, my new truck, my healthy and safe family and my pooch Jazzy.

Um..not feeling pretty today

2005-07-09T23:08:00.000-04:00

I got the ol' Red Letter yesterday and I'm feeling about as big as Kirstie Alley. Everything feels like its gained 10 lbs. Fat arms, belly, face...you name it, it feels bloated. And to top it off, I'm trying to grow my hair out long(er). I had my 2nd haircut yesterday into my Grow Out Process. My hair is flatter than my ass. For those of you who don't know me, I LOVE (with all my heart and soul) BIG FRIGGIN' HAIR. It's driving me crazy and I'm wondering if I should just say screw it and chop it. The bottom sits just enough on my shoulder to do a Carol Brady flip up on its own and I can't get rid of it. So, needless to say, I'm not feeling very Ella McPherson right now.

In my past life.....

2005-07-09T22:25:00.000-04:00

Found this at Snarky's.....

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Jittery Chief.

Where You Lived: Burma.

How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

In case I'm not the only one who is wondering what DYSENTERY is......
Disease: Dysentery
Description: severe, often bloody diarrhea, vomitting, fever; life-threatening if untreated
So...Soapbox, when I tell you I can't eat that certain food because it makes me fart, now you know why.

Where does time go?

2005-07-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

Long time, no blog, huh? Last weekend was a blur. It started last Thursday. Grandparents and cousin came in and were staying at my Mom's house. We didn't get home until midnight (kids stayed at Mom's)only to come to a pissed off or sick dog that decided to puke & shit in SEVERAL places in the house. It was lovely. Had to get up & be at my Mom's house by 8am to p/u kids to drop off at Vacation Bible School by 9am. Came back at noon and grubbed a bit at their "Family Picnic", Soapbox and rugrats were there too :0) Then went BACK to Mom's. Got home late and woke up Saturday and was out of the house by 7:30am for 4-wheeling! Finished around 1pm and darted off to Mom's AGAIN for Papaw's birthday. Sunday was mom-in-law's house for her 4th party...Soapbox there as well, left at 7pm and continued with friends at my house for fireworks until 10:30. Monday was ANOTHER BBQ at Cindy & Murrays house with fireworks until 10pm. I AM THROUGH. My eyeballs are hanging out of their sockets, I started my period today and found out that hubby (works for Va Power) is being called out to Alabama on Monday & must pack for 2 weeks because of the hurricane. I desperately want a vacation. Can I purchase spare time at a reasonable rate? So to all my faithful bloggers who bite their fingernails and can't sleep until they read my blog, I do apologize for being quite the sloth. Life will hopefully return to normal here soon. Anyone else have a crazy 4th?

Little Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe....

2005-06-27T18:46:00.000-04:00

wonderwoman
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Today:

4 kids (3,3,6,7)
4 breakfasts
3 to Vacation Bible School until noon
1 hung out w/me until then
4 kids at the pool until 2:30
4 lunches
2 to drop off
2 left...oh, they're mine....
Definitely an eventful day. After taking my cape and wristlets off we head back home. On the ride my son asks where my other husband is. What the hell? So I ask 'What other husband, Daddy's my only one'.
'The one that works at the shoe store' he says. I've got that look on my face like I just smelled my dog fart. ok. I start to wonder if he ate some wild shrooms in my mom's backyard. So, I told my husband this...and no matter how OFF THE FRIGGIN' wall it is, he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. So, what color is the mans hair?, asked hubby to son. Blue. And that ended that.

Tada...Introducing....Wonder Balls!!!

2005-06-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

yeah, right
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

That's right ladies. The picture you're looking at is of mens underwear, but not your average ones. They are equivelant to our Wonder Bra. Can you believe it? I guess the sock thing was played out so someone thought to "pad" the crotch of some nut huggers to give that manly look. I 'wonder' what my husband would say if I brought a pair home......

I've Been Tagged.....

2005-06-23T10:33:00.000-04:00

cleft
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I rec'd the Music Baton from Soapbox, so here it goes:

Total volume of music files on my computer: 0....i'm not cool

Last CD I bought:
For my hubby...Crossfade

Last aquired:
Hopefully MEZMERIZE (Sys of a Down) from Soapbox

5 songs I listen to alot or mean alot to me:
1. Blvd of Broken Dreams/Green Day (my kids luv it)
2. BYOB/Sys of a Down (I luv it )
3. Oh/Cierra (shut up Misty)
4. Any Godsmack song(reminds me of hubby)
5. Ooo a dada oop da dupe...the very first time that I saw your brown eyes...We could've made a career with that song, Soapbox

5 people to whom I'm passing the baton:
1. Rockstar Mommy
2. AUROREALIS
3. Dell's Diner
4. True Jersey Girl
5. Psychobabble

What is the definition of Customer Service?

2005-06-22T22:19:00.000-04:00

bad day
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I WILL GET SLEEP TONIGHT OR SOMEONE IS GONNA GET HURT! The "fan" folks FINALLY came today to take away the 6 fans and dehumidifier. They've been here since Saturday. Its sounded like a flight deck on a carrier in my house. They were supposed to call Monday. Didn't hear from anyone. Tuesday. Didn't hear from anyone. I'm thinking to myself that I think they've forgot about me. So I call this afternoon and after talking to this chick(who was a ball of friggin' sunshine) she says she'll call me back with an ETA. No apologies for leaving the wind tunnels longer than needed, but whatever. So after waiting ANOTHER 2 and a half hours and NO response, I called back. They're on their way. Hey you wench, how 'bout a "sorry for not getting back to you AGAIN, but they are coming out to you right now"....nope. just a 'Their on their way'. You see the picture next to this paragraph? Thats EXACTLY what I looked like after getting off the phone with this broad. So, the fans are out and peace & quiet restored (kids don't count). Now just waiting on that GC to fix the ceilings and drywall. So how was your day :0)?

Ahhh.....life is great

2005-06-19T07:12:00.000-04:00

my pigs
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I went to my Moms house yesterday after the water people came for the check up. Kids went swimming and I laid out to get some sun. While I'm laying out my Mom decides to give me a FULL ON PEDICURE!!! Is she not the best Mom on Earth?.....AND...it gets better....she had FRESH, HOMEMADE iced mocha frapp's in the fridge. I love that woman more than Reese Big Cups...now thats love!

What?...Talk louder...Can't...Hear...You....

2005-06-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

Here is an update of what's going on here....
Fan#1
Fan #2
Fan #3
Fan #4
Fan #5 is in the attic.
Dehumidifier in the upstairs hallway w/ tube the runs to bathroom sink
Here are the holes they put in the baseboards to dry the walls out.
These GD things are nice and noisy and must be here thru Monday. One of the bigger ones is downstairs in the kitchen, so no TV for a few days for the kids. What will they do? Get on my damn nerves is what they'll do. FYI...Insurance company will cover all of this (Gen Cont will come Monday as well) after I pay my THOUSAND DOLLAR DEDUCTIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I realized today that I could talk on the phone AND shit in my pants at the same time.

You've got to be kidding me....

2005-06-16T17:47:00.000-04:00

This is what I woke up to this morning.....and this.....and this. All of this shit was due to this. You want my life, right? Wet carpet. Drywall damage. Pissy ass air conditioner. I need a vacation far, far away.

~~* TRIVIA TIME ~~*~

2005-06-15T21:36:00.000-04:00

guesswho1
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Anybody remember this show and the correct spelling? I nearly peed myself when I came across it....I KNOW I wasn't the only 10 year old COMPLETELY in love with this dude.

If I plant one more flower......

2005-06-15T21:13:00.000-04:00

Gardening
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I think in the past week and a half I have planted approximately 70+ flowers. Todays temp was friggin' unreal (with heat index 104-114)and had to wait until 7pm to even ATTEMPT to pick up a shovel. Is it me or are flowers FRIGGIN' EXPENSIVE? You start with one bed....oh and this spot needs some....and this hanging basket looks like shit, so we....yeah. I'm over it. I'll post some pics when I'm done so the one blogger I have that knows I exist can comment :0)

10 Things You Wish You Knew When You Were In High School

2005-06-14T08:52:00.000-04:00

10 on Tuesday
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

1. What I did academically would effect the rest of my life.
2. Life REALLY is better living at home.
3. Sex does last longer than three minutes
4. Credit cards are evil.
5. Smoking is not cool.
6. A 2 month relationship is NOT true love.
7. Pot can kill brain cells
8. I wish I took a picture of what my natural hair color was....oh wait...that was Junior High
9. That dumb ass beligerent drunk at every party WILL NOT do anything with his life.
10. That marriage and children will COMPLETELY change me inside and out.
And last but not least....that she WILL still make me laugh :0)

East Coast Baby

2005-06-13T19:07:00.000-04:00

East Coast Baby
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Saw this over at Soapbox's blog. You type in your name and it spits you your GANGSTER name..

Here's mine:
With Middle Name: KING FORTY SIPPA
W/O Middle: DEAD BULLY MONKEY SMUGGLA

OH wee those names are crackalackin' !
Yo Snoop, where da ho's at beeotch...

Calling all dorky girls....Finish this cheer

2005-06-12T23:29:00.000-04:00

Tigers
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

For some WEIRD, off the wall reason this old ass cheer from when I was around 8 yrs old popped in my head the other day. I'm curious if anyone remembers and if they can finish it?

Firecraker, Firecraker,
Boom,Boom,Boom
Firecraker, Firecraker,
Boom,Boom,Boom
The Boys have the muscles.....

Ouch!

2005-06-12T20:59:00.000-04:00

Ouch! Sunburn 6/05
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Well, I get the "Mother of The Year Award". Went to Sandbridge, or as my daughter says, the "Country Beach". Kids BUGGIN' as soon as we get there so I slapped on the SPF 30 and send them on their way. Literally....slapped it on. Evidently, didn't do a good job :0) Nice, huh?
Note to self: Spray, rub...Spray, rub...until complete coverage to AVOID burn.

Ten on Tuesday

2005-06-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

Ten on Tuesday
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

10 Romantic things to do for your husband:

1. Let him sleep
2. Get a job
3. Not bitch when he goes to Guitar Center for drum stuff
4. Put laundry away AFTER I fold it
5. Fix the bed after we get out
6. Only call him 8 times while he's working
7. Give the booty up spontaneously
8. Give the booty up again
9. This is getting harder..
10. Learn to say, " Whatever you want" more often

I'm home ossifer...take me drunk

2005-06-06T22:59:00.000-04:00

whisky
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Well, went to a Luge Party Saturday night for a good friend of mines birthday. For those of you who haven't heard of a Luge, its an 80 pound block of ice that sets slanted on a wooden frame. 3 channels are drilled about 4 inches apart. A person is at the top pouring shots as YOU are at the bottom with your mouth on the ice taking the shot. Need I say more? I drank Pineapple n' Coconut Rum with various shots of alcohol that should never be mixed. If 1 is on aisle 2 in the ABC store and the other alcohol is on aisle 7...they should never have "their first meet" in your stomach. I didn't get sick, however since I didn't get to bed until 4am and the kids had to be picked up @ 9am, I must say the headache rating the next morning was off the charts. Wasn't worth a free sack of shit the ENTIRE day. Woke up this morning, went to a Doc in the Box and have Tonsilitis. I feel like I have two dry ass gorilla nuts in my throat. Still managed to change sheets, wash more laundry, clean bathrooms, etc. I'm sorry...did you say Super Mom? Oh..just stahhhp :0)

Cool, huh?

2005-06-06T22:46:00.000-04:00

Saw this at truejerseygirl's blog...try it out here

He Friggin' Wishes

2005-06-02T14:16:00.000-04:00

The Good Wife's Guide
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I got this email today and it REALLY gave me a laugh! I could not imagine being married in the 50's.....scratch that....I KNOW I wouldn't. I'd either be a bull dyke or be serving life in prison for SEVERLY beating my husband for even having the thought that I would be this way. I am glad to say that somewhere along the line a woman gave a man a reality check right between the legs and life became liveable for a woman!

Smells Good.....

2005-06-02T09:31:00.000-04:00

Candlemaking
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

I spent my morning in the kitchen doing this :0) Had an order to fill and must go today to deliver them. I also helped Kev "install" a new bed alongside the house. Used a shovel and everything! Had a few cups of Mind, Body and Soul coffee with my neighbor. Then after Kev went to work, went to Kmart and bought tubs and put away ALL 4 closets worth of winter clothes. Didn't cook dinner, called the Papa instead :0) And ended the night playing on the computer. May go tanning later. I promised myself I won't do another "Fire Marshall Bill" like I did last week. I'm still peeling.....

Lime Tree

2005-06-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

Lime_Tree
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

Lime Tree...

Saw this at Soapbox's blog
LIME TREE (the Doubt) -- Accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

....Dang
Often wailing and complaining...hhmm..uh...NOTE TO SELF: Do not let husband read.

G.I. Kevin

2005-06-01T09:34:00.000-04:00

!CID__Picture033
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

This is what happens when a 3 year old decides to give himself a haircut. He buzzed a stripe so low in the middle of his head, that we had to skin him :0) Lovely, huh?

NaPoLeAn DyNaMiTe

2005-05-31T12:10:00.000-04:00

.....Dang
I feel like this movie is one of those movies that I will repeat lines for the rest of my life. TOTALLY stupid movie, yet everyone had of them in their school. My school had "Jarred Cox the Dancin' Fox" and his sidekick who thought he was Captain Kirk from Star Trek. Even carried the little flip-up beeping thing. They would never hurt a fly, but didn't live on Earth. My favorite part? Either when his brother meets his chat girlfriend and becomes "G'd out" or when he pulls the solo dance move on stage. Could've lived the rest of my life not seeing this movie, yet gave me the tools to beef up my vocabulary.

Busy..Busy...Busy

2005-05-30T15:34:00.000-04:00

Finally, I have time to spare to tap on this thing. 3 BBQ's this weekend and I'm exhausted. Having one of my own yesterday ended up costing more than I want to mention. Not the food....everything to make the backyard "comfortable". i.e. Patio furniture, candle holders, placemats, tiki torches, wood, smores....oh god, need to take out an equity line. Going to Soapbox's house this afternoon. I didn't make anything, sorry chick. Martha's on vacation. Going to the store to pick something up. My son GAUGED his head this morning with Dad's clippers. Looks hot. Pre-school is out for the summer, so just me & lil' man for the next few weeks until his sis gets out. Probably giong to Mom's pool. They are leaving for a cruise on Friday. They bite. Well, caught up on the last few days of business. Now, Misty get off my butt :0)

The Gilkes Visit Southpark...

2005-05-17T10:25:00.000-04:00

Soapbox made these for me, so I must share. Here is me and my husband - we have been "Southparked"

Can't you tell she is working hard?

My Husband....this morning

2005-05-15T20:07:00.000-04:00

alc3
Originally uploaded by ngilkes.

So, this is how my husband has looked all day. He went to a Nascar race with Soapbox's hubby yesterday. He didn't get home until 6am this morning. Lovely, huh? I woke him up 2 hours later and told him that if he could "HOOT WITH THE OWLS"...then he could "SCREAM WITH THE EAGLES" this morning :0) He didn 't like that comment too much...heehee. He completely lost his voice (good thing?) and enjoyed a day of nothing. Robin Leach this guy is. And now I have to worry about the friggin' toilet I SCRUBBED yesterday, 'cause I know all about those beer shits. I sternly told him that if I find ONE skid mark in the toilet, I'm using HIS toothbrush to clean it.

I Suck!

2005-05-13T09:38:00.000-04:00

Posted by the best friend.

Nadine to start typing here: you know what...i just flicked you off. sorry, been busy. i've been making candles for a solid month, just to have an open house..that...was...empty. thanks for showing up and not buying anything. way to support your best friend. at least you remembered this time. the next day, i had a "Mother-in-LawBirthday/Mothers Day" brunch @ my house, dog appts, vagina appts, sick daughter.....need i go on woman? you know, i feel the need to share with everyone the delicious milkshake we had tonight. i took the kids to soapbox's house and she had the WILD ASS hair to have the kids eat dinner on the beach and we'd get ice cream afterward. well, pansy ass Soapbox and her friend Dena weren't hungry. well, naturally i'm not going to be the pig and order a fat ass heart-attack burger, although that was exactly what i wanted and just brought back the kids something. i spent more time yelling at my kids than i did talking to dena and Soapbox. damn they can get on my nerves. so we finally get to an ice cream shop and i can't believe there is no friggin' MINT CHOC CHIP! thats a universal flavor and my favorite...but whatever, i ordered the pistachio & something MILKSHAKE. i took my first sip...or gulp....and realized it has the consistency of soup. 1 part ice cream, 88 parts milk. i drank that shit in 2 minutes flat and felt absolutely NO satisfaction afterwards. NO guilt that i sucked down an entire milkshake because i felt like i just drank a glass of tea. Soapbox ordered a choc something milkshake...her's was the same G.D. way! who the hell taught these kids to make a shake? a straw should NEVER accompany a shake...only a spoon. oh well...there's always tomorrow night :0)

Beauty School Dropout

2005-04-18T16:07:00.000-04:00

Just call me Frenchy.......or Peaches (that's a good hooker name, huh?) 'cause that's about what I looked like. I was shooting for red & blonde highlights. I never looked at the name, just looked at what the chick looked like on the box. After I washed it, I thought it looked a little bold. So, as I'm blow drying it, my hair gets brighter and brighter. I freaked out & sent a picture to my Mom for help. She was laughing so hard, she didn't immediately respond. So, I had to go back up to Walgreens for a DARK hair kit to cover this pretty color :0) While I'm there I thought I'd look at the box I used to see the color.........FUSHIA. Nice, huh? The girl on the box was black and I think that's why the color was more muted on her. Nevertheless, I guess the color name should've been a warning. So, a few days later was my birthday. Went to my Mom's w/ the fam to celebrate. After eating dinner it was time to open the presents. I open my mom's first. Well, had to open the card first. I noticed it was computer made. It says on the front, " YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN......" and then I open it and it says.... "WHEN WALGREENS IS YOUR CHOICE OF SALON!" with THE picture underneath.....Gotta love family !

' The Shot '

2005-03-08T09:29:00.000-05:00

I started off this morning having the feeling of severe diarrhea. I knew this day was coming. I had to be strong and show no emotion. I had to prepare myself for a "motherhood milestone". My 6 yr old daughter was going back to the dentist for fillings........'The Shot'. Maybe I am unlike most mothers. I cry at the drop of a hat....Extreme Makeover:Home Edition requires 9 and a half sheets of tissues. She keeps telling me she's nervous and I calmly tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of. I did tell her ahead of time that she MAY receive a shot so I can avoid the "shock freak-out" in the dentist office. I am thinking of the worst. Punching hygenists and cussing out the dentist.....my 6 yr old, that is :0) Well, I stood outside of the door so she had no idea I was there. They numb her with the swab first. Oh shit, here comes the needle. I swallow the lump in my throat that felt like a dry, 6 day old dinner roll. She inserts the needle and I squeeze my eyes shut. I heard nothing. Maybe she friggin' passed out! No...she didn't bat an eye! You've got to be kidding me!!! Crapping through a screen, no sleep last night and 25 cigarettes in 4 minutes for nothing? But,....I was relieved and truly proud of her. After she's finished I sit down to pay my portion of the work. I told her that I couldn't believe she didn't cry when they gave her a shot. She looked puzzled. She says that she didn't get a shot. I'm thinking to myself, uh... yeah you did, saw the needle....but played on with it anyway. She said that they told her close her eyes and then they "pinched" her cheeks really hard. She said she felt SOO LUCKY that she didn't have to get a shot. I asked her if they pinched her cheeks like this (pinching my own cheek at the same time).. She yells, NO MOMMY! Don't pinch your cheek like that or your teeth will go numb!

Short SMURFS, Tall Grass......

2005-03-07T13:32:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to a girlfriend of mine the other day and we were talking about what kids say and the funny stories, etc. She proceeds to tell me about her 5 year old son. He came up to her one day and said inquisitively, " Mommy,...why do Smurfs laugh while they're running through the woods?" My friend, thinking childishly, couldn't think of an answer that would satisfy him. "I don't know, honey" she said. " Its because the grass tickles their balls" he says laughing hysterically. I nearly peed my pants. For some reason that struck my funny bone and I couldn't stop laughing. I'll never be able to watch Papa Smurf without a grin again :0)

Angelina Jolie Lips.....

2005-02-25T20:13:00.000-05:00

So I went to the Mall tonight to get a present for my Dad's birthday. He's in desperate need of cologne. I thought I'd go to Vickie's Secret to get him the "Very Sexy" cologne. Well, let me be totally honest. I'm a cheap ass penny pincher (soapbox superstar can attest to that) that doesn't buy anything unless its on clearance or I have a coupon for it. Anyway, I found the cologne and as soon as I grab it here comes a saleswoman. I let her talk the talk about the new makeup. "You've got to start taking care of yourself" she said as I am looking at HER coffee stained teeth and acne scars. I thought, Damn do I look that bad? Anyway, she talked me into the tube of "lip rejuvenator".....friggin' chapstick. So, I proceed to the counter and pay. I had $21 in store credit and the cologne was $47.50. After scanning the card my balance due was $44. I paid it not blinking an eye and as I am walking to my car, my brain decides to work. I look at the receipt. FIFTEEN DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS for some friggin' CHAPSTICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can understand if I wake up tomorrow with Angelina Jolie lips and ass....then its worth it. However, I am guessing that won't happen and I WILL BE ghetto and will return it tomorrow. Sad, I know....but I've got to cut corners if I want a lavish life in my double-wide.

Family Photo

2005-02-22T10:10:00.000-05:00

The latest & greatest Family Photo...

I'm getting old....

2005-02-21T22:18:00.000-05:00

I guess it starts now. I'm 28. I have laugh lines...."rocks in the socks" boobs...no gray hair yet. Today I had my first eye exam. I need glasses. My eyesight has obviously deteriorated along with my waistline...but what's next? I didn't think it would affect me the way it has.
I need them to drive & see far away. The only cool thing about it is that I found some really nice glasses. My friend Misty (soapbox superstar) will have some interesting comments about them, I'm sure. You see, her & I are like oil and water in certain aspects. She's always had all one length, chemical-free, and product free hair. The "all natural" peace loving hippie. My husband calls her Janis Joplin. Me, on the other hand, live to test the best hairsprays and mousses...or is it meese? heehee....anyway, I couldn't tell you my natural hair color. I like to get my nails done every once in awhile and I like to tan as well. Since the glasses aren't "Lisa Loeb" style, I'm sure she'll be calling me Mary J Blige. ".....and you say.....I only hear what I want to...." Other than that.....a pretty good day ;0)

Keep your opinions.....

2005-02-20T03:20:00.000-05:00

I have OFFICIALLY taken the last "friend rated" movie opinion into consideration. Everyone does it....you know its happened to you time & time again.......Your friend at work,"OMG....you have got to see this movie, yada, yada, yada....." Your neighbor, " You've got to see this movie, I nearly pissed my pants laughing..." Well, my husband & I rented Anchorman. Its unfortunate that I cannot tell you about the entire movie because I was snoring like I drank 32 shots of Tequila after 15 minutes. What the hell was so friggin' funny Misty? I should've known not to take movie advice from her. She was the first person who "suggested" we watch Faces of Death while eating sandwiches. I haven't been right since.....Siskel & Roper..whatever the hell his name is........2 thumbs down!

Nadine's Candle Shoppe is open for business!

2005-02-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

My new and improved website is up and running, complete with paypal shopping cart! Make sure you stop by and check it out!
www.nadinescandleshoppe.com